25, Aquarius, She/They, Waterloo, Iowa, United States
bi, demi, enby, gnc, monog, mtf, neuro, queer
Has been big in me lately
I don't know how to interact or feel comfortable around people, I just end up dissociating & I mentally shut down.
The calico is Beans
& The Tabby is Houdini
They're both very sweet.
https://litter.catbox.moe/jpc6xh.jpg
https://litter.catbox.moe/nivmih.jpg
If you're out there wanna splat together?
To be "exactly what people expect" is too much, whether it's said or not these expectations are really high and extremely vague.
Feeling disconnected from people, can't even go to the grocery store without dissociating or feeling uncomfortable.
Of it all, not enough energy to do what I want or need
The problem is probably dissociation
I just can't handle being alone rn
As a gnc trans girl, I genuinely don't find forcefem jokes all that funny. If someone tried to tell me what to do or how to look in that sort of way I'd flip my shit & start blasting.
Want to be told that I'm valid & that I matter. I need to actually feel it and be valued in a way I can't put into words, but I've never really felt in my life. I see it between others often, it feels so distant, unattainable even.
How are we all coping with the state of things rn?
I just want to cease to exist
Total: 157
Language: 18
Social relatedness: 70
Sensory: 39
Circumscribed interests: 30
Not 100% sure what the numbers mean but it seems like the total is very telling.
For meese
How bad thins seem like they're gonna get by just playing fucking Minecraft.
When the lingering general distrust in people has never really been alleviated
& struggling to function
Made alfredo pasta earlier tho so that's something.
That it seems a good chunk of queer people in my experience seem to prioritize outward appearances over genuine personality. Maybe its my introvert ass but I'm not about to flatten my appearance and personally into the same 1 dimensional package.
Need the serotonin of new video games device. It's gonna cost big money tho.
Started estrogen today, the journey begins.
On looking for trans inclusive job opportunities, I have very little in terms of experience & qualifications. & I have no idea how to navigate this stuff in terms of legal name bullshit. It's all very scary.
I never really could figure out how to connect with people, no one to unconditionally care and be there for me despite my faults and flaws. Is there even enough of me for people to care about? What do people even want, what I think they want I can't seem to be.
I just feel like I don't know how to love in a way others would appreciate. Plus I just don't trust most people.
If I were actually genuinely loved unconditionally. It all just feels hopeless.
Why some people are just dickheads for no reason, just makes it harder to exist.
Feels so split between arbitrary generational titles that dictate how people feel they have to present, it's exhausting & kinda sad.
Anyone out there wanna play some games? I'm down for whatever so long as I have it
Not beating the "only cares about appearances" allegations.
& I can't sleep ;_;
Neoni
That my failures and screw ups don't eat at me, missed potential for earlier growth leaving me feeling stunted and left in the dust. It feels as if not much stands between me and the end of it all.
How to talk to people & actually connect in a meaningful way.