Supporter Oct 2025
27, asian, Aries, She/Her, Gandul, Kecamatan Cinere, Jawa Barat, Indonesia
enby, femme, Goober, mtf, neuro, pan, queer, sapphic, ???
Tempted to watch Better Call Saul & Breaking Bad again for like the 5th time
Me: Im so stressed, I need to rest and just do no work
also Me: Im wasting my time resting, I could be doing something productive right now
Phew been a while since i posted and checked here.
Just wanna say that life goes on but things are really starting to be brighter :3
I got my old job back!!!
3 months of work that could potentially keep me stable for the next 2 years!
And on top of that i have a hot date with a transguy i met through bumble! we basically want the same thing from each other!
Things are starting to look good:3
Or something like that
Im still dealing with whiplash from last night, but a transguy I've been talking to and i vibe even more with just made plans to meet me and potentially go to their place on Saturday!
I feel really good about him so hopefully itll end well
Now i just hope that person isnt a POC or queer, if they arent id be sooooo happy
I matched with a transgirl on grindr the other day and we've been vibing since and even planned a date.
But she brought up politics out of nowhere and started saying
radical things like wishing Europe was vaporised
She blocked me but im just still confused
I can see it.
I may get my old job back, the one that enabled me to move out in the first place, if i get it again I'll be set for another year and probably more if i can keep my current projects too
Life might be good peeps wish me luck🤞
Ive met a hand full of people on bumble the past few days and somehow all of them havent stopped talking to me
We're even talking about hanging out and stuff, like its such a high.
I just hope it all goes well 🤞
It just occurred to me that being social is kinda like a drug to me
I connected with a couple of peeps on bumble and so far its going super well and i feel like im high
And it contrast to times where i feel isolated, where it feels like withdrawal
First feminine outfit i got!
Its cheap and low quality but i really love how it looks on me :3
https://litter.catbox.moe/0uyojl.jpg
https://litter.catbox.moe/hiitul.jpg
https://litter.catbox.moe/svtbqh.jpg
I have this conditioned urge to not lie and in turn its made me horrible at lying, the only times i can lie is out of omission
Now should i learn to fight that and to get better at lying?
It feels as if it would make my life and social life so much better if i could lie.
So a take away from my years of socializing is its better to only show and or emphasize your "good" Traits, and hide the more uncomfortable side of myself until the illusive right moment
Which i think is extremely disingenuous, ive dont bad things and i do uncomfortable things
The more i interact with people the more i think that people only want to hear what they want to hear about me and not the truth, i am a broken person in so many ways and it seems like being honest about that always hurts others
Im not even talking about talking to strangers
My fault for expecting nore from cismen tbf but still annoying and frustrating
I did all my work and then some, but thats because im not saturated with work, i need more work projects and in turn money. Good news is i should be able to pay most of my debt by the end of the month but just that and nothing more
I want to start E and do other stuff :(
I may have just made plans to give a guy a bj on Saturday
Im so excited and scared at the same time..
Wish me luck peeps!
I basically have everything i need for E
Everything except time and money
Ughhhhhhhhhhhh
Sigh i wanna feel loved
Need cuddles :(
Soooo eeeeepy
Went to bed early and i feel so much better now 💙
Stress stops me from working which stops me from solving my problems which generates more stress which stops me from working
Im gonna go to bed early and hope i get some luck tomorrow and make up for lost work time
Work is kinda drying up and bills are piling up, im fucking terrified to the point that i cant work, i dont want this to be the start of a death spiral
I hate how everything stresses me out and noting calms me down
I just want to rest
Im still not sure how to process my argument and revelation about how my best friend of 6 years is a terf
She's still supportive of me and respects me before we had the argument about trans rights, but well she's a fucking terf and idk if i can be comfortable with that
Spent this weekend modding the shit out of the sims 4, oh and a cool of new work project opportunities popped up wish me luck!!! I really need the extra work!!
I've always knew and she didnt really show it when i told her im trans
But we just had a conversation about how gender dysphoria is comparable to depression and shouldn't be normalized, other terf talking points
Im just shocked and at a loss now, i care about her but i dont know
I've been talking to this guy i met on discord for about a few months now and he's really starting to make me feel fuzzy
He's not like most men and its exactly why i like him and starting to really REALY like him
Wish me the best pals 🤞
Just had a soft but firm reminder that i live in a transphobia ridden, homophobic, and conservative, religious country
Im Holding on but i need to get the hell put of here eventually
I dont want to spend my entire life wearing a facade
I want Estrogen so bad, it has the potential to tip the scales for my mental health but why the fuck is it so hard to get :(
Another Monday, another 5 days of struggling to keep a fake life i never wanted to have
I hope it'll all be worth it one day