32, black, Capricorn, she/her, Ferndale, Michigan, United States
bipoc, enby, gay, neuro, pan, poly, sapphic, system
I've been hospitalized.
My name is Aqua. I am rarely out, but because I have the best pain tolerance, I have been through quite an ordeal.
If you want to say hello, use my name. I do not know how much longer I will remain, so... how do they say it...
Get 'em while they're hot.
Thunderstruck. A weight so heavy neither Rose or Cerise could lift it.
But what about who is left? What mystery occupies this space? What invisible, text question mark? For now, a blank. I'm sure I'll be forced to answer in time.
What a fantastic Halloween ;_; I'm filled with gratitude. But my domain.... I wish it didn't seem so. So... misproperly managed :/
My girl.
Thought about cutting myself today.
But in the fun way! I just want to feel the sting and see the blood and watch it heal... we've found so many extra knives throughout cleaning for the move. Almost a waste not to...
I have to learn to be grateful for these days.
Despite waking up at 5, doing things. Shopping, groceries, cleaning, cooking. I think it's a mistake to try and jot down only the Important things. A mistake I often make...
Didn't sleep the night before. Still had to go to work. But honestly... most of all it helped me reach out. To see if I can revitalize a relationship or... let it die. Move on. It's about new circumstances, no matter what is being put down or risen up.
They don't know.
Not about this, not about size, not about space, not about weight or sound or heat. Well, maybe about heat.
Can't really portray it. All I know is the light at the end of the tunnel, and how long it lasts above my head after I've made it through.
Dude literally the only thing I did was have a 5 hour hair appointment and then she when I got home😭😭😭 whatever I look sick and fuck now
The Fool. My journey begins. The last week has been building momentum in that way. Pushing forward as I must, as we all must.
Temperance. Very much an instruction card x_x find and keep balance. Mixing hot and cold, fast and slow. Paying attention.
The Sun. Thanks deck :)
Necessary. Just came back from seeing my father x_x husband met him for the first time. It went well! Just exhausting... had to really put myself up to it. I want to just smoke weed and die but I have to wash my work clothes for tomorrow😔
Yeah I felt pretty idiotic~
Nah, I was just in a bad mood. For most of it. I keep thinking about transference. Shift away from old to new. But if the novelty isn't good, how can continuation be? I know that's fairly shortsighted. That's a flaw of mine for sure :)
True enough! I did have a good day. Milestone on the move out process, video games and pizza with the boyfriend, hanging out with the husband after. I'm trying to be grateful for these days. I'm going back to work on Monday :( necessary. Better enjoy it all while I can...
Spent the whole day looking for calamities. Watching people. Making sure everything gets refrigerated, getting the right things at places at times. Being personally delicate. Focused up x_x sometimes that's what it feels like... a warning
Is it greed if it surrounds me? I'm floating, watching the waves and patterns cerise and I have set up, checking their flow and wondering at my self actualization ambition. Why the unease? The uncertainty. What's the focus?
Maybe the idea is there isn't one...
From yesterday!
The Tower really shines a light on what cerise has been going through this past week. Things got fucky.
The Empress is her card, but she was out for too long so we refuse to switch back. Gotta be regal and such on my own x)
Temperance. Never been good at balance
Supposedly cerise's last hurrah. The situations, the circumstances alone were in fact bright for her. But I'm not certain she exuded that, reveled in that the way she normally tries to. My heart goes out to my sister. She deserves to have good days. Good weeks. Months.
My turn🩷
Hi n_n it's me, Rose🩷
I'm clocking in 🫡
Some day I'm going to shit myself
And you have to keep loving me
- my husband
Am I happy?
Seriously. There are ups and downs. Good and bad moments
The moon wanes and waxes, the waves crest and trench. Am I in a bad spot? Or is this the normal i keep avoiding thinking about?
The Hermit is forcing me. Making me take stock. I think I should do some rereading
Gm maybe I'll post more idk
Woke up way earlier than I like to do things I don't like at places I don't want to be at for reasons I think are stupid
So it wasn't a great start. I've been trying to make up for it, but
I was doing something difficult and had this deja vu moment
Do I... actually have control?
The wheel turns! I'm a lucky girl. But just because my dice roll crits, doesn't mean everyone else's does. Their wheel result matters, too... But to be human is to think, to imagine that. Empathy and imagination are our best and sometimes...
Sometimes that's not enough
Is this my domain?
I can control my thoughts and feelings, at least somewhat. I can control my actions, and I do my best. I can control my immediate proximity.
But my Situation? Circumstance? This is what it's like to watch a collapse.
...I know it's strange. But it's a marvel.
https://open.spotify.com/playlist/39ym8DYpJRupgq1AnWmZfa?si=szZcahjeQrSjPonMgvcXwA&pi=L2_tQFoIQQO2g
I don't know which system to follow.
And it's more complicated than systems, it always is. It's the people attached. Situations. Consequences.
My least favorite card. Makes me think things are out of my control.
And no matter what I do, that's often the case.
I guess it's the end of my work.
I didn't quit. I told the bosses I'd be leaving for a few weeks so I could move. Today is the first day I would've gone to work, but didn't.
I did a few errands but can't call it progress. I'm frustrated by my limitations. I always have been.
Theylt shall not be named. Objects found from the physical search. Copacetic mental status. Emotions being sorted. I'm a lucky girl. It's all possible, everything is possible. I can go forth knowing that instead of just believing that.
She's too old for skibidi toilet
I'm a lucky girl :) meeting between two people I love went well!!! I'm their biggest shipper and they know it🥰 finally off work now, too. The world is my clam
Call me a weirdo but I for one love watching my loved ones feel joy and interest about other people in their life
If they're both people I know, that just means I get to feel that way twice :3
My past present future.
The moon is a call out. Have I learned? Have I discovered, truly?
Wheel Of Fortune means I can let go. Allow life to happen and react.
Justice means my choices matter. In the case of randomness, how I react will determine my deserved fate.
My girl. Looks like I'll be sticking around for the extra week.
Felt very queen today. Mistress of the universe. I was myself. She always encourages me to be.
Still can't clone myself. Still can't make myself sleep. Still can't keep track of everything. Still can't push through my limits.
Still can't stay stable.
Still not in control. Still not perfect. Still bound to my life. To the world.
Conformity. Societal organization. Patterns.