32, black, Capricorn, she/her, Ferndale, Michigan, United States
bipoc, enby, gay, neuro, pan, poly, sapphic, system
Necessary. Just came back from seeing my father x_x husband met him for the first time. It went well! Just exhausting... had to really put myself up to it. I want to just smoke weed and die but I have to wash my work clothes for tomorrow😔
Yeah I felt pretty idiotic~
Nah, I was just in a bad mood. For most of it. I keep thinking about transference. Shift away from old to new. But if the novelty isn't good, how can continuation be? I know that's fairly shortsighted. That's a flaw of mine for sure :)
True enough! I did have a good day. Milestone on the move out process, video games and pizza with the boyfriend, hanging out with the husband after. I'm trying to be grateful for these days. I'm going back to work on Monday :( necessary. Better enjoy it all while I can...
Spent the whole day looking for calamities. Watching people. Making sure everything gets refrigerated, getting the right things at places at times. Being personally delicate. Focused up x_x sometimes that's what it feels like... a warning
Is it greed if it surrounds me? I'm floating, watching the waves and patterns cerise and I have set up, checking their flow and wondering at my self actualization ambition. Why the unease? The uncertainty. What's the focus?
Maybe the idea is there isn't one...
From yesterday!
The Tower really shines a light on what cerise has been going through this past week. Things got fucky.
The Empress is her card, but she was out for too long so we refuse to switch back. Gotta be regal and such on my own x)
Temperance. Never been good at balance
Supposedly cerise's last hurrah. The situations, the circumstances alone were in fact bright for her. But I'm not certain she exuded that, reveled in that the way she normally tries to. My heart goes out to my sister. She deserves to have good days. Good weeks. Months.
My turn🩷
Hi n_n it's me, Rose🩷
I'm clocking in 🫡
Some day I'm going to shit myself
And you have to keep loving me
- my husband
Am I happy?
Seriously. There are ups and downs. Good and bad moments
The moon wanes and waxes, the waves crest and trench. Am I in a bad spot? Or is this the normal i keep avoiding thinking about?
The Hermit is forcing me. Making me take stock. I think I should do some rereading
Gm maybe I'll post more idk
Woke up way earlier than I like to do things I don't like at places I don't want to be at for reasons I think are stupid
So it wasn't a great start. I've been trying to make up for it, but
I was doing something difficult and had this deja vu moment
Do I... actually have control?
The wheel turns! I'm a lucky girl. But just because my dice roll crits, doesn't mean everyone else's does. Their wheel result matters, too... But to be human is to think, to imagine that. Empathy and imagination are our best and sometimes...
Sometimes that's not enough
Is this my domain?
I can control my thoughts and feelings, at least somewhat. I can control my actions, and I do my best. I can control my immediate proximity.
But my Situation? Circumstance? This is what it's like to watch a collapse.
...I know it's strange. But it's a marvel.
https://open.spotify.com/playlist/39ym8DYpJRupgq1AnWmZfa?si=szZcahjeQrSjPonMgvcXwA&pi=L2_tQFoIQQO2g
I don't know which system to follow.
And it's more complicated than systems, it always is. It's the people attached. Situations. Consequences.
My least favorite card. Makes me think things are out of my control.
And no matter what I do, that's often the case.
I guess it's the end of my work.
I didn't quit. I told the bosses I'd be leaving for a few weeks so I could move. Today is the first day I would've gone to work, but didn't.
I did a few errands but can't call it progress. I'm frustrated by my limitations. I always have been.
Theylt shall not be named. Objects found from the physical search. Copacetic mental status. Emotions being sorted. I'm a lucky girl. It's all possible, everything is possible. I can go forth knowing that instead of just believing that.
She's too old for skibidi toilet
I'm a lucky girl :) meeting between two people I love went well!!! I'm their biggest shipper and they know it🥰 finally off work now, too. The world is my clam
Call me a weirdo but I for one love watching my loved ones feel joy and interest about other people in their life
If they're both people I know, that just means I get to feel that way twice :3
My past present future.
The moon is a call out. Have I learned? Have I discovered, truly?
Wheel Of Fortune means I can let go. Allow life to happen and react.
Justice means my choices matter. In the case of randomness, how I react will determine my deserved fate.
My girl. Looks like I'll be sticking around for the extra week.
Felt very queen today. Mistress of the universe. I was myself. She always encourages me to be.
Still can't clone myself. Still can't make myself sleep. Still can't keep track of everything. Still can't push through my limits.
Still can't stay stable.
Still not in control. Still not perfect. Still bound to my life. To the world.
Conformity. Societal organization. Patterns.
With it everything is silky smooth, without it rough. With it sexy, without it passionless. With it modified and personalized, without it raw dogging
I don't know where I'd be without it
Light. Hope. A shining beacon to head towards.
Know this, dead of night lurkers. The future you desire is something you must grab. It's not coming to you.
I did good today. Moved a lot of stuff. Attended to needs. Had fun x)
Justice makes me feel like a sharp blade, I'm not sure why. Maybe I feel more confident in the idea that my actions matter. My will, it wielded corrctly, can cut through this world.
Or bring it together❤️
Almost the last in her generation. A real one.
The Wheel turns!!! A disgustingly attractive trans girl came through the drive thru tonight that I almost just gave her drink and let pass but she was so hot that I waited for her food to finish so I could deliver it and ended up asking for her number
I'm so mad at myself!!!!!!😠
Willpower based. Juggling everything, working extra time, stealing happiness, twisting negativity. When life gives you lemons, make magic.
Past: The Devil
Present: Justice
Future: The Empress.
Chilling reading. Yes, I know I've been greedy, Devil. Justice means I'm going to watch my step. Cause and effect. The things I do matter, they do impact things around me, I should never forget.
The Empress is my girl :)
Got attacked at home by a family drug addict yesterday. Just enough for my husband's and I shelter to be at risk.
Don't remember the last time I had to keep such a cool head. We might have to do a lot of hard things in a small amount of time.
Balance. Mixing both sides. Focus.
Sacrifice. Release. No matter how I see it, I feel like I'm sacrificing the people around me, rather than making any myself. But that removes agency, I think. I'm not the only person who decides what I do and don't have and that's... Probably a good thing x_x I hate limits. Time.